Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Sick and Tired, But Still Working


So apparently I've acquired some germs. Not your run of the mill "I want to die" type of germs, but germs none the less. If this were an illness, I'd be content to sleep it off for the next few days. However, this seems to be one of those "We're just going to tire you out and stuff up just one side of your head at a time until the fantasies of taking a turkey baster to each nostril fill your every waking moment" sorts of inconveniences. Not to mention one ear won't pop.

Like I said, I'd be much more content to just be sick. I figure I'm due anyway. Since I've graduated high school well over a decade ago, I've been sick maybe 3-4 times. When, if ever, I'm feeling under the weather, it's just enough so I can live my everyday life the same as always, but with a constant reminder that it could be worse. I have a strong constitution, but this is just a pain in the ass. I'm not nauseous, I'm not feverish, and I'm happy to report my poo is in top notch condition. Never the less, all I want to do is sleep, and only one ear is clogged.

Damn it to hell...

But I'm not cranky. Just exhausted, and an unfulfilled exhaustion at that. I didn't exert myself at all today for fear of really becoming sick. My body just wants to rest and regain its natural fluid balance.

Which brings me to my next thought, "When did cough drops become more valuable than gold?" What the hell? You'd figure when it's not cold and flu season, the price of cough drops would drop in order to clear overhead. Well, you'd be wrong. The cough drop despots of the country have you by the short hairs, and they know it.

But, on the bright side, I have digital cable which means I have a million channels including a thousand HBO's and whatnot, and that's just plain nifty. On Demand rocks the house, not to mention The Science Channel.

I swear to god, this is what television was made for. You can go to the theatre to see drama, or the movies to see heroes blowing shit up. You can turn on the radio for music, and you can go to the local shop and plunk down 35 cents for today's news, but The Science Channel is where it's at. Any time, day or night, there's something awesome on. You wanna learn about what kind of corn they found in ancient Egyptian turds? Well, turn on The Science Channel, my friend! What's going on 7 galaxies away? Hey, switch on The Science Channel, man! Autistics who can calculate infinity, savants who can hear numbers, discussions on all of Einstein's theories, assorted documentaries about the cosmos narrated by Patrick Stewart or William Shatner, and shows with Bill Nye the Science Guy explaining the practical applications of elemetary sciences... You name it.

And.... AND.... AND!! Carl fucking Sagan. Thank you!

And, I watch the other educational channels, like The Biography channel, History International, and the other Discovery channels, but none of them hold my interest like the Science Channel. And don't get me started on the National Geographic Channel. They have some interesting stuff but most of it is shows about Chupacabra, or Bigfoot, or Roswell.... Well, that is if they're not showing a 147 hour Dog Whisperer marathon. I swear to god I wanna smack that guy. I've yet to watch more than 2 full minutes of that show without grinding my teeth. Yeah, your dog isn't the breathing stuffed animal of your dreams. Wonderful. Can you treat your dog like a fucking dog and not like the child you're missing in your life, please? Thank you. I'd like to see something of substance if you don't mind. You'd think a channel named after National Geographic would be something more along the lines of what Animal Planet should be, but you'd be wrong again.

How about running some reruns of Jacques Cousteau?

Or you could make a series explaining the evolution of different dog breeds. How did the Germans breed one dog that's sleek and cunning like the Doberman, and one that's a mountain of muscle like the Rottweiler, and why? Why did the Queen of England decide that the Pembroke Welsh Corgi was her breed of choice? Hell, there are hundreds! There is a breed of dog that's used to hunt jaguar. Who wouldn't want to see that?!!

And what about some more of those documentaries about how the African tribes live their every day lives? A village of hunters running bare ass through the jungle wearing nothing but a Kool-Aid t-shirt from 1977. I love that shit!

But no. Every time I flip to The National Geographic Channel, I'm subjected to two 300 lb nimrods whose lives are turned upside down by a 2 and a half pound Pomeranian. Jesus... But what do I know?

HA! Well I don't know where that all came from, but I do believe it has the making of a 2-3 minute comedic monologue. The life of an artist. I'm always thinking... always thinking. Now it's time to sleep for a good 10 hours.

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